Author Archive
What are you more afraid of: being safe or taking risks?
I was recently exploring the fear factor. Fear is inevitable. But, I realized there are different kinds of fears. Some fears paralyze us and some fears push us to our potential. In looking at my own fear, I discovered that the fears I had actually pushed me to reach my full potential in embracing life.
The fear of being left on the sidelines of life was bigger than my fear of stretching out of my comfort zone. Up until I was 12 years old, I spent the summer on the steps of a swimming pool as my friends played in the deep end. I had it. I was tired of being left in the shallow end. So I was faced with a choice: do I play it safe and stay on the side steps of the shallow end or do I risk drowning as I learn to swim? I was more afraid of not being able to participate fully than I was of drowning. And so that fear of not being able to be free pushed me toward taking the risks. Day after day, gulp after gulp, I forged ahead and finally figured out how to swim and become free to play fully.
Prepare for the Worst, Hope for the Best
On Saturday, February 27, 2010, at 4 AM, my husband and I were woken up by the phone ringing. On the other side was our friend who informed us that a tsunami was headed for our home state, Hawaii, caused by an 8.8 earthquake in Chile. As I heard the news, my heart dropped as pictures of the potential damage began to flash in my mind. As we began to prepare for the worst, a sense of helplessness loomed over me knowing that I could do nothing except pray.
There are times in our life when we feel helpless in the face of circumstances beyond our control: a natural disaster, a tragic death, an unexpected car accident. But helpless does not mean hopeless. During those times that appear beyond our control, it is essential to put your hope and faith in something or somebody that will give your life meaning and a sense of living forward into the future.
What is Possible is in the Mind
English Writer, Arthur C. Clarke, said, “The only way to discover the limits of the possible is to go beyond them into the impossible.” What is possible? Was it possible for humans to navigate a metal vehicle in the air? Was it possible to light up a room from a single light bulb? Was it possible for humans of various races and religions to be given equal rights? At one point in our history, the answers to these questions would have been NO.
So, what is possible? My answer: ANYTHING!
I have obvious limitations and yet, I have gone beyond those limitations that were imposed on my by society. I could have easily adopted their limiting beliefs. But I believed more in the possible than my obvious limitations. As obvious as they are, I hold on tight to my belief that it is possible for me to write. It is possible for me to feed myself. It is possible for me to drive. It is possible for me to be loved for what’s inside. It is possible for me to be free…free of limitations.
I See the Brilliance of Your Light
Marianne Williamson’s quote was made infamous by Nelson Mandela. She wrote in a Return to Love,
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
Two Types of People: Victims or Victors
I have met many types of people, but in my experience there are basically two types: the victim or the victor.
The victim saturates him/herself in their hurts, hopelessness, helplessness, disappointments, self-pity and points the finger of responsibility for their life at everyone else. The victor revels in hope, joy, love, purpose and only holds him/herself responsible for the outcomes of their life.
As I thought about how certain people fall into either the victim or the victor category, I looked at my own life experiences. Most people would not have blamed me from taking on the victim role. I have freely been given pity throughout my life. After all, what kind of life should I expect being born without arms and legs?
What I have discovered is that I have been able to be a victor because I accepted myself and the circumstances in which I was in. Once I accepted my circumstances, there was nothing wrong, nothing to fix and no one to blame. I simply was a woman without arms and legs that had unique challenges.
Visualize what you want and Victory will be Yours
I’m not a big sport fan, but as I read about great athletes, they seem to have a common thread in their greatness: visualization. Kip Wells, a Major League Baseball pitcher, said, “I just tried to take on the same approach as my previous outings. I was just trying to visualize the pitch that I wanted to throw and execute it.”
I’ve used this technique throughout my life as well. Most recently, I visualized myself flying to Los Angeles for the first time. Traveling is a huge ordeal for anybody. You need to book your flights, you need to pack the essentials for on and off the plane, you need to get to the airport on time, you need transportation between the airports and destinations, you need lodging, etc. And so much could go wrong. You could forget something, you could miss your flight(s) (especially when there is a connecting flight), you could lose your baggage, you could run into rude and cranky people and your safety is at risk. The list could go on and on.
The Victories are in the Details
With our media drenched world, it’s easy to get caught up in the lives of the rich and famous (actors, athletes, musicians). We begin to have a desire to emulate what they do, how they talk and what they wear. And in their light, we can feel so small, almost as if what we do doesn’t matter. And no credit is given to the small details of our lives where the victories live. Mother Teresa said, “We cannot do great things on this Earth, only small things with great love.”
I had the privilege of attending CEO Space (www.CEOSpace.net) last month and I was amazed by the beauty of the souls that surrounded me. In a space of over 700 people, I was intimidated (that’s an understatement) by the thoughts of being over looked or not good enough to help others. But as I opened myself up to the possibility that this was a safe and cooperative space, I began to witness all of the victories. And it was awe-inspiring!
Stay Tuned!
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Are You Starving?
I recently made a comment and said, “I can’t think of any challenges I’ve had in my life.” I was later talking with a friend of mine about this comment and she asked, “Pauline, did you really mean it when you said you had no challenges?” I again gave it deep thought.
I replied, “Sure, there are things that are difficult for me given I have no arms and legs, but, I don’t give it too much thought. I just have an understanding that there are some things that will be more difficult for me than for other people. For instance, I know it will be difficult to get my food out when it’s lunchtime. But what’s my alternative? Starvation.”
I know this is a really simple example of one of my challenges, but contemplating this made me think even deeper. People often let the challenges, or difficulties of life beat them down because there is no immediate consequence for not conquering that challenge. For me, I have real life consequences. I could let the challenge of getting food beat me down, but am I willing to starve because of that challenge? Of course not!
Leaving a Legacy
I was driving home after I dropped off my kids at school and on the radio, a beautiful song called Legacy
by Nichole Nordeman came on. As I listened, the lyrics spoke directly to my heart:
How will they remember me?
Did I choose to love?
Did I point to You enough?
To make a mark on things
I want to leave an offering…
Not well-traveled, not well-read
Not well-to-do, or well-bred
Just want to hear instead
Well done, good and faithful one
As I get older, I think about whether or not my existence really matters. When I am gone, will my unique footprint be pressed upon the hearts of many? I think we all want to know that we matter. But special or public recognition does not make us worthy of being remembered.
